Episode 1: The Fatty Strikes Back

I remember the day I realised I was fat. Like, really fat. Not just a couple of pounds overweight. Or even a couple of stone overweight. No, almost six stone overweight. It hit me like a blinding revelation, like a slap to the face. I was fatter than I'd ever realised. I'd been deluding myself for years, convincing myself that I carried myself well, that I was well proportioned, that I couldn't possibly weigh as much as the scales told me I did.

It turns out that I'd become so skilled at these delusions that I didn't even notice the pounds creeping on, the shortness of breath or the steadily growing pile of clothes in the corner of the room that I could no longer fit my ever-expanding thighs into.

The day I realised I was fat was nearly four months ago and what have I achieved in that time? Precisely, predictably nothing. Because that's always been my modus operandi. Burying my head in the sand and telling myself daily that 'I'll start tomorrow'. Well guess what, fatty? Tomorrow never comes.

So today is Day 1.

I'm joining Slimming World tonight. Finally. I've been telling myself (and everyone else) that I'm going to go for weeks. I've used every excuse you can think of to get out of it. Snow, illness, the class being cancelled (it wasn't).

For the first time in my life, I'm out of excuses.