Weigh In #5

GET IN!!!

This week I got my stone award, got Slimmer of the Week and got Slimmer of the Month for February.

I think my group hate me.

I'm not sure what happens at other groups but at mine each week people are supposed to bring in a piece of fruit/something syn free and put it in the basket next to the scales. Then the Slimmer of the Week gets it all.

I cannot keep taking the basket of fruit. I'm scared I'll get lynched on the way out.


Starting Weight: 227 pounds
Current Weight: 213.0 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 2.5 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 14 pounds
Target Weight: 140 pounds

73 pounds to go!

Onwards and upwards...

I've been on a bit of a downer the last few days. I felt bloated and frustrated and (don't tell anyone) I've been weighing myself every day, which is a huge no-no at Slimming World.

What exactly does weighing myself obsessively achieve? Nothing, that's what. Nothing but misery and stress! My weight fluctuates wildly from day to day and I've been working myself up into a panic about stepping on the scales tomorrow night at group. Silly girl.

I think my problem is that SW is just so different to every other diet I've ever tried. I've always counted calories. I've always weighed myself every day. I've always tried to cut out carbs. It's strange that I don't have to do any of these things and sometimes old habits die hard.

One plus point that's come out of the last few days is that I've started running. Yes, running! Me! A few weeks ago I signed up for a 5k Race for Life in June and I thought it was about time I started trying to get in shape for it. I've never been a good runner. Walking I can do. I can walk for miles and miles and miles. But running has always eluded me.

It's something that I really want to do though so I'm starting off slowly and I'm following the Bupa 5k training programme. I'm only in the first week of it so currently I'm running for one minute, followed by two minutes walking. Repeated six times. To be honest though, that's more than hard enough for me at the moment!

Know yourself

One of the things I most love about losing weight this time around (in comparison to other less successful attempts) is that I'm actually in tune with my body. That sounds horribly pretentious and wanky but bear with me.

When I was gorging myself on food I never had the chance to actually listen to my body. I packed her so full of sugar, fat, stodge and junk that she couldn't tell me what she needed. I would eat until I was so full that it actually hurt. I'd have to lie down because I was in so much pain and felt so bloated. Then, once an hour or so had passed, and the bloated feeling had diminshed slightly, I'd carry on with the crisps, cocktail sausages, biscuits and sweets. Then I'd feel terrible again.

The lowest point of my entire life came in May last year. I'd eaten so much and felt so full and bloated and in pain that I made myself sick. I then cried for about two hours and wondered how the hell I'd ended up like that. I vowed there and then that I'd never do it again. But of course I did. I think, however, that was the first moment that I actually realised what I was doing. It was the first time I ever really considered that I might have some sort of eating disorder. Non-purging bullemia? Who knows. I stopped for a while, I told my partner at the time all about it, all about the eating and the sadness and how out of control I felt. It was the first time I'd ever told anybody. That was the same day that he finally admitted he loved me. We then spent the weekend making life plans and talked about how our future would be. I'd never been so happy.

Then, two weeks later, he left me. Without explanation. Without so much as even a backwards glance. He cut me out of his life. I trusted him enough to tell him about my problems with food (a major major thing for me) and then I was left alone, wondering why I'd ever trusted him at all. So of course I did the only thing I knew how. I ate. I binged. I cried. I blamed myself. I gained 28 pounds.

Looking back and writing it down here is actually incredibly painful. I feel so sad that I let myself get like that. It was a sorry state of affairs.

Anyway, the point of this post was that now, because I'm eating healthily and have left my bingeing days behind me (6 weeks and counting), I know what my body wants. I know when to have green tea or fennel tea (amazing for the digestive system and to combat bloating). I know when I need a glass of water and not food. I know when I'm retaining water. I know when my period is about to start (I'd messed my body up so much with food that I never knew if it was hunger pains, pains from being too full or period pains).

I'm actually letting my body speak for the first time in my life.

Weigh In #4

Disappointment central.

1 pound.

1 measly pound after possibly the strictest week on the plan so far. I've not had any alcohol (bar one gin & slimline tonic), I've counted all my syns and am well within the amount allowed, I've been super disciplined.

But bloody mother nature always gets in the way doesn't she.

Yes. It's that time of the month. Or 'star week' as they call it at Slimming World. Which always makes me chuckle.

Ah well, onwards and upwards. A small glimmer of joy is that I still managed to get Slimmer of the Week. Yes, everyone else had an even worse week than me. Hurrah.

Starting Weight: 227 pounds
Current Weight: 215.5 pounds
Weight Loss This Week: 1 pound
Total Weight Loss: 11.5 pounds
Target Weight: 140 pounds

75.5 pounds to go!

The Fear

I have weigh-in fear.

I feel bloated and fat and I'm fairly certain I've not lost any weight this week. It's annoying because I've actually stuck to the plan more this week than any other! I didn't even have my usual night out at the weekend so there was no alcohol at all.

It is, however, that 'time of the month' so I guess I'm just retaining water. Or something.

I'm just worried that this could make me fall off the wagon. I'm only really any good at dieting when I see results. And quickly. I WANT TO BE THIN NOW GODDAMMIT. I'm trying not to project too much and, if I've not lost a lot, then I know it's not the end of the world. I just don't know if my willpower could withstand a maintain or a gain.

Ugh. Cross your fingers for me.